219.8
I’ve been hunting weighing under 220 lbs since this journey began at the start of COVID. It’s been an interesting experience and I’ve been fortunate to come out the other side better, harder, and a different version of myself.
In a sense, how I’ve done it is I’ve worked to make myself more “antifragile.” It’s an idea I discovered from Nicholas Taleb’s work. It’s central tenant holds that you should become the type of person who gets stronger from chaos and crisis. I’ve found that there is always more always more opportunity in the void; yet, it carries much more inherent risk.
On May 24, I weighed 240 lbs.
I know I said that the outcomes aren’t the most important part. And, they still aren’t but it’s important to celebrate small wins. I feel deeply satisfied, almost a sense of serene joy. It’s different from the high you get after a big win. There’s peace.
I believe it’s because I always kept my goal in the periphery. I could hear its whisper but I was able to remain detached from its ever present urge to rush what takes time.
I didn’t fall in love with the process because I don’t have one. Lack of structure is my kryptonite and I’m working on it diligently. I stopped myself from writing “the best I can” because I know that’s not the truth. You know it isn’t, as well.
But, I’ve always loved work. It’s a gift and a curse from my mom and grandfather. My entire life I was a gym rat and it carried me far. For some reason, I lost that part of myself, trapped for too long by the seduction of simple pleasures.
Onward I go.
I’ve run, I’ve fought, I’ve cried, and have done everything in between. It’s been a three month sprint and I feel like I’m nowhere near where I want to be. Life is funny like that.
Who you can be deserves that you keep going.
Be well, friends.
